I'm jealous of your bromance
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize