You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
