big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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