looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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