I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
