Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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