Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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