Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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