you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
