So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
