you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
