I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
