I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
