If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize