one two three fourrrrnication!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
