I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize