She announced her abortion via fbk
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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