the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
