I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
