Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
