Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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