I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
