i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
