This dress was meant to end up on your floor
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize