No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
