Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
