I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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