"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
