Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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