how can u be prego again
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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