I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
being pregnant is like rehab
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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