she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
