Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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