I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
