awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
