So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
