Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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