My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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