Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
