so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize