I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
