Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
