please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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