Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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