How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize