Im at strip club and am horny
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she smelled like a LAN party
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
True strength comes from lack of pants
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
