So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
