So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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