Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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