I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
