So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
