so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
