I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize