I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
