Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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