So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
