Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
