walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
