Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
