OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The power of my boobs compel you
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
