i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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