I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize