Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
