We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
