I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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