just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
