Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
