you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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